State Police Apprehend Dinosaurs After Cranberry Elementary Disturbance

| June 5, 2018

CRANBERRY, Pa. (EYT) – Franklin-based State Police apprehended three male dinosaurs who were found causing a disturbance during summer dismissal Monday at Cranberry Elementary School.

Around 11:00 a.m., the suspects were found running through lines of children, chomping at the heads of innocent bystanders, and kicking a large red ball at and around the children.

The suspects were also seen fighting with each other while “causing a general distraction and dismay,” according to Franklin-based State Police Tpr. Shiley.

Tpr. Shiley arrived at Cranberry Elementary School and was able to detain the green and brown dinosaurs.

While his accomplices were being detained, the grey dinosaur scared a driver from her bus and proceeded to lock the door and take over the bus.

The grey dinosaur fled through the front door once Tpr. Shiley breached the bus through its back door.

He was apprehended a short time later and the children were safely released for summer vacation.

Charges of Criminal Mischief, Tom Foolery, Reckless Shenanigans, and Being Alive After Extinction were filed against the following reptiles:

– Unknown Grey Male Tyrannosaurus Rex, 68,002,018-years-old, of USA, Earth
– Unknown Green Male Tyrannosaurus Rex, 67,298,123-years-old, of USA, Earth
– Unknown Brown Male Tyrannosaurus Rex, 66,456,388-years-old, of USA, Earth

The charges were filed through District Judge Patrick Lowrey’s office.

Bail was set at 5,000 bones each; however, it was waived and the 3 dinosaurs were released on their own recognizance.

They are awaiting preliminary hearings.

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